A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm