the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.