I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...