Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire