Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together