it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize