Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You are the jesus of drinking
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
