Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
