why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
