The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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