I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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