Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
