addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
