I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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