We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm always down for nudity.
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