Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
