Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
