Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I had to cum in my sink.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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