I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
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its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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