What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
