I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
