uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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