She is in my trunk
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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