i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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