I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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