i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
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