you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
