I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
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Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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