I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
