for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
