I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
