literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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