I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The Olympian is in my bed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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