Yo dont text me then not text me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
