So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
