so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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