Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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