I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
