I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
