the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
