No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
