i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
