I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
