I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
