i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
