Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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