Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
