Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
