so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
