i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
