i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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