ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
