New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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