just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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