Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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