Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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