Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
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Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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