Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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