Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
