So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
