is your mom at the bar?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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