I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
